How many people does it take to change a light bulb? March 5, 2007Posted by JP in Stupidity, Uncategorized.
Charismatics: Only one; Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten; One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians; None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.
Roman Catholics: None; Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15; One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Eight; One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.
Mormons: Five; One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined; Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved — you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six; One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None; Lutherans don’t believe in change.
Amish: What’s a light bulb?
Pagans: Six;. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that lightbulbs never burned out before those Christians came along.
Witches: Into what?
Evolutionists: One: but it takes eight million years.
YECs: 3; one to research scripture for light references, one to search for the appropriate ‘kind’ of bulb, and one to explain to the clerk that any variations in bulbs are micro-adaptation, not a fundamental change in bulb technology.
OECs: One, to search scripture until finding a verse that indicates the Lord God created all light, thus moving from doctrine to evidence, we find that the Lord put the light in the bulb, and the Lord is infallible, thus the darkness is a curse put on us by the Lord, in his might and love. Evolutionists should stop ignoring such evidence, and stop teaching electricity in the schools.
IDists: One; but with the understanding that an Intelligent Agent informed and inspired the creation and development of all bulbs, and created filaments.
Atheists: One; but they are still in the dark.