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Spring Reflections January 30, 2013

Posted by JP in Poetry.
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Another early spring day.
Cold, cloudy, but green.
Not like the other May days,
those in the past,
warm and inviting, cheerful.
This first day of May
brings reflection on the past.
Three weeks till my thirty ninth year,
three weeks to start the end
of more than three decades of life.
Reflecting on all I know
a short reflection I admit
chuckling mirthlessly to myself.
almost forty years
most of them spent besotted.
I remember past loves,
past lusts and past hates.
Hate is such a strong word,
and I realize I’ve never experienced it.
Ah, a good thought that…
I’ve angered, ranted, railed,
but hated?  Thank the gods, no.
Mistakes, I’ve made my share.
Too many to recall
and more of which I don’t know.
I think back at all I’ve learned,
and confused I wonder why
it only makes me less informed.
Every fact I covet, creates more questions.
Every opinion I voice, causes more doubt.
I am an adult, grey hair coming in,
and more insecure now than as a child.
When does certainty paint its portrait
in my mind and on my soul?
Why does this cold, dreary spring day
bring doubt, self-defeat, and loathing?
Why not provide inspiration to grow,
to learn? To embrace life? Spring you know..
I stare into the clouds
a mirror to my mind. Clouded, convoluted.
Almost forty years of toil and triumph
and I am still here wondering
and wandering through life.

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